Moms Talk: Motivation and Focus

Q: I can't get my daughter to do her homework without a fight. Any suggestions?

A: Part of parents' work is to enlist their kids in doing their part. Whether homework or household chores are the job, it often feels like a small miracle when a child finally sees a project to completion.

I was called the “worst mom ever” during a recent homework incident. “Fine! Be a bad mom,” has also been slung at me. Frustration over homework is just as difficult for parents as it is for their little ones, much of the time.

We had a book report to complete over the past weekend. Yes, I said we. When my son has homework, while it is his work to do, I feel the responsibility—the pressure—to make sure it happens.

My son tends to procrastinate, especially if writing is involved. He will sit for hours “thinking” about it. My inquiries about his progress prompt growing irritation and frustration for us both. While I encourage thinking, I also want him to have time for play, dinner and other activities in the evening.

There’s a huge amount of fear for most people when it comes to writing. It’s a vulnerable thing. It’s a difficult process, coming up with the right words, planning out the order. There’s a whole lot of bouncing between little details and the big picture, and it’s easy to get lost, or stuck somewhere in the darkness of the forest.

Parents must forge their own way when it comes to solving household dilemmas, doing what works and feels right for them. That said, parents, you can armor yourself with these simple homework strategies:

• Have a routine. Our routine involves getting homework done first, before play or other activities. After the first assignment is complete, I usually provide a snack for my son. It’s easier to concentrate when the brain is hydrated and the body is fueled. It’s good to enlist your kids in maintaining their homework schedule so they will learn to become independent workers.
• Limit distractions. A work environment should allow for concentration and be free of unnecessary noise. Libraries can be great for this, as they are usually quite and don’t offer all the stimuli usually available at home.
• Look it over. It’s a good idea to review your child’s homework at the end of each session. I’ve learned from experience that failure to do this can result in low scores that could have easily been made better. Plus, it’s an opportunity to bolster confidence by talking about the work they completed on their own.
• Motivate them. Motivation can come in many forms. You know what motivates your child. Whether it’s a special snack, computer time or a trip to the skate park, make sure your kids get appropriate rewards for being on task.